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All The Nothing I Know

by Nick Webber

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1.
God, I’ve forgotten how to pray I don’t know how to talk to you And at the end of the day Maybe I just don’t want to So here goes nothing How am I supposed to love you I plead, seek, and knock and somehow still I never find The candle flickered out, the shadows grew I fell into the empty tomb of all I thought I knew Did I ever hear a word I know that I am just some kid Picking up shells on the shore of your ocean I hold each one to my ear And listen closely for a sign of your devotion But I still haven’t heard a word How am I supposed to love you I plead, seek, and knock and somehow still I never find The candle flickered out, the shadows grew I’m running through your garden Screaming “where the hell are you” Did you ever hear a word Weeping, trembling People say you speak Do you have something You would like to say to me Read your black book Some words drip with red Maybe I mistook You for someone in my head Maybe it’s a demon Or maybe it’s my mind Maybe it’s both Both at the same time In my piano The shrieks of silent ghosts So many voices Which one do I trust the most How am I supposed to love you How am I supposed to love you How am I supposed to love you Did you ever hear a word
2.
So Close 05:49
I came up from the water I swear I saw you there Light within my father’s eyes Tears tumbling everywhere The angels were singing, or so I was told For the war weary soul that gave in Holding a rose and a fresh set of clothes I knew a strange still within You felt so close I stared across the water I dared to step right in The ghosts of those old shipwrecks Whistling down the wind Ocean, my friend, are you vast enough To put out all the fires we made As if in response, oh you swallowed me up And for once I was unafraid We were so close Rocking on my parents’ porch Pulling out my hair I stumbled through a feeble pass At something like a prayer Then like a bolt from the blue, a chickadee flew And landed on a dish full of rain As if in response I took off my shoes And cried there as the mourning dove sang You flew too close
3.
Night Terror 05:00
Duck and cover, get away from the glass Hold your breath until the thunder has passed Oh I'm not myself No, I’m not myself Is it just another nightmare again I catch a glimpse of my reflection And it’s not quite right Those are not my eyes Clawing at my eyes Let it be over Please God, wake up Let it be done I see the wolf I feel the fire The child of wrath The fallen one I’m sweating bullets and I'm filled with dread There’s something stirring at the foot of my bed Are you my friend Tell me you’re my friend If you return tomorrow I can tell I’ve got a one way ticket to hell Can you save us all The shadows climb the wall Clawing at my eyes Let it be over Please God, wake up Let it be done I see the wolf I feel the fire The child of wrath The fallen one [Panic] Throw the rabbit outside the door You’re not welcome here anymore
4.
Overwhelmed on Ash Wednesday 7 miles to the front of the room I’m empty, I’m the burned-over district Nothing left for the flame to consume Take the soot and cross my forehead For Lent this year, I’m giving up Nodding like an insatiable bird A bit buzzed and conveniently numb {Instrumental} How many times did I beg for mercy, Did I pray for peace God, I wring my filthy hands And wash them until they bleed Overwhelmed on Ash Wednesday I take communion with gum in my cheek The wine drips and stains my hands God, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me God, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me Forgive me
5.
Parabola 03:42
Oh to be grounded again Oh to be anything at all The toppled tree, the twisted, mangled limb Oh what a terrible fall At the bottom of the staircase Crying in a crumpled heap Careless boy, you took it all too fast Knocked out your milk teeth Is this your fate Forever falling away It’s getting late The sun’s gone and you’re so afraid You’ll never make it back Oh to feel grounded again Oh to feel anything at all When the sower went to scatter seed Did you determine its fall Some fell on the fertile soil Some got choked by the thorns As for me, I often wonder why You ever let me be born Standing on the precipice Of what you wish you’d never witnessed Pin your eyelids open wide Take it in, the hurt, the sin 2,000 years of bastardizing What you call the words of life Whatever helps you sleep at night Face your fate Forever falling astray It’s getting late The sun’s gone and you’re so afraid Fake your faith Forsake the love you first claimed Your face has changed You’re drowning in the hell that you made Will you ever make it back
6.
Longway 04:58
Taking the long way home Taking everything the wrong way Caught up in the undertow The waves of pavement sweep me away Proverbial suburban drone Nameless shapes through shuttered windows Circumvent the night Shadow play by kitchen light So far gone Too far gone Is anyone home Is there a home for anyone Sodium celestial haze Hands through sunroofs raised in praise Our empire of light Shadow dim and blinding bright Just looking for a place to park These old abandoned shopping cart hearts Approaching nowhere fast Dust to dust and ash to ash So far gone Too far gone Is anyone home Is there a home for anyone Is there something I missed Is there something that I should do Will I know when I make it Most days I just wanna make it through
7.
Rise and shine, sleepyhead Find the will to get out of bed When the days just feel like something to survive February overstayed its welcome Just like always And all the houseplants are dying I watch you take it in stride And wonder how much fear you try to hide Well I notice some things sometimes Tea kettle on the stove Just a matter of time before it goes What’s on your mind It’s kinda stupid but I’m jealous of The stacks of journals you fill up so fast If you want, you can write all over me I guess that I’m one to talk It’s scary to be seen so fully and so raw All the time Bless your heart You are stronger than you know The more I see The more my wonder grows And darling, please believe me when I say You’re not gonna scare me away I tried to warn you Are we what we thought we’d be Don’t know what we expected, honestly It’s been a ride It feels like a lot has changed You’ve gotten over your fear of planes But when we take off, will you take my hand anyways
8.
25 03:32
Once again Around the sun And for the fourth straight year I’ve fooled everyone My favorite shoes Are filled with sand And when the wind blows I can barely stand Don’t expect Much from me I’ll try my best To let you down easy Uncertainty Uncertain me But when you say my name You say it so tenderly You found me out You found me here But if you look closely I think I might disappear Don’t expect Much from me I’ll try my best To let you down easy
9.
If I’m gonna fall, then bombs away Throw caution to the wind and come what may My kingdom for some confidence, I know I can’t maintain The illusion of being safe Oh the illusion of being safe If you’re gonna stay, then stay the same Tell stories ‘round the fire you just made You’re looking for a hand to hold, but you’re just too proud to say Oh the sensation of being named Oh the sensation of being named When the brittle breaks And the passion goes What on earth do I do With all the nothing I know When your whole world shakes And all you once loved goes What on earth do I do With all the nothing I know [The sky unhinges its jaw] If you’re gonna say, please say it plain Tell everyone you know you knew my face There’s nothing here to justify the reasons that I gave Oh the conclusion to choices made Oh the illusion of being safe Oh the conclusion, the choice is made Oh the illusion of being safe [Winter at dusk in the abandoned parking lot; the cathedral bells disappear you]
10.
Revelation 05:41
Just dying to have one unique thought To find something clever to say To pour out my revelation for you The ballad of the castaway This is my legacy This is nothing This is everything to me Washed up on the shores of Rostock Time is running away I tattoo another tally mark A permanent record of decay This is entropy This is vanity Twenty centuries of sleep This is everything to me No signs or visions to impart I watch the fire flicker and fade I know that I will be forgotten And somehow that has to be okay Illuminate/Eliminate

about

This album is a document of a few years in limbo.

Thank you for listening.

credits

released March 7, 2023

Recorded mostly in my bedroom in Englewood, CO between fall of 2021 and winter of 2022

All songs by Nick Webber except for "25" and "All the Nothing I Know" by Nick Webber/Ben Sooy

Nick Webber - vocals, guitars, keys, synths, banjo, sax, programming
Ryan Day - bass on tracks 2, 5, 6, and 9
Ben Littlejohn - pedal steel on track 2
Mixed by Nick Webber
Mastered by Sam Rosson (samuelrossonrecording.com)

Animations by Michael Gowdy (michaelgowdy.github.io/uglybrunch/index.html)

Photography by Eric Wencel (www.ericwencel.com)

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Nick Webber Englewood, Colorado

Post-folk suburban psalms from Englewood, CO

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